Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
