Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
