2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
