I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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