dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
