remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
