Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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