Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
