Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
