Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
