note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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