Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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