I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
