i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
