whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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