a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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