You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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