Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
