I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
