my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
