you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
