You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
