I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
