I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
