So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
