I accidentally had phone sex last night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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