sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
