Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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