R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
