ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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