you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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