Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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