I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize