im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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