Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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