Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
