Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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