Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
