I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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