Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
