There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
