So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize