I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
