This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
