it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
