Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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