Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
