He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
