happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
