I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
