idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
