Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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