If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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