Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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