Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
