saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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