Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
