Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
