Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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