i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
